jumping around on a weekend away
9:54 a.m., 2004-04-13
I'm back from Houston and it was fun. I seem to bring bad weather though. Last time I went was when they had that huge flood and this time there were tornados. Go figure.
It was good to hang out with my friends. I've missed them terribly. We had a "natural" (no, that does not mean naked) picnic under a huge tree, heard a chello concert, had lots of coffee, went to chinatown, and had lots of laughs.
I miss the air down there. It feels so good. My skin just soaked in the the moister and my hair was super curly all weekend.
On a side note, it makes me sad that my good friend simply blew me off while I was in Dallas on Thursday and Monday. After complaining to me that I've been neglecting our friendship, she backed out of 4, yes 4, plans we had to get together.
It's just frustrating how she likes to drop all of the fault on me when she should take part of the blame.
now is the time
9:48 a.m., 2004-03-29
so people keep telling me that high school is the best time of our lives. i hope not because i hated most of my teens. i mean 17 and 18 were pretty good but overall i was happier in college.
but does that mean it's over? have i lived my "best days" and must i now role over for little blonde girl, size 2, to have all the fun? i don't think so. I much more confident and much more comfortable in my own skin than i ever was before 22. now is time to have fun. i can have dreams and adventures. i just have new dreams. i can now live my life as i see fit and i alone am in control of my fate.
and by the way, "now" will ALWAYS be the time to have fun.
sunny california
3:33 p.m., 2004-03-09
so i was talking to a friend of mine we all know. we were talking about salsa dancing in california this summer. i am SO excited! ya know? ;)
dead and buried
3:08 p.m., 2004-03-09
i've been thinking about death a lot today. not in a bad way. it seems like the older you get the heavier and harder it is to think about. or maybe that's just me. i've seen a lot of death in my time and have been to more funerals than i can count (well, i can actually count them - around 10). i've watched family slowly fade away with their bodies literally breaking down all around them, had several friends -young and vibrant- suddenly gone, and was the one who found my father the night he died.
but i'm wandering what it is about death that makes it hard to deal with. beside the question of our soul i mean. is it our own fear of death? or the attachment we have to our bodies? or is it that the body is a big part of how we think of our friends that it is hard to think of it rotting away in the ground?
leave me alone!
11:20 a.m., 2004-02-25
whoa nelly....people get so angry at each other.
about the whole gay controversy right now....i've always felt that, although i think sexual relations between same sex people is wrong, i also think it is a personal choice. it is sin. but so is lying and i do that several times a month. so who am i to say anything. God will call me on it and he'll deal with others with their sins as well. sin is sin in God's eyes. no one sin is bigger than another. and so sometimes i want to yell at those who think they are better than homosexuals and put them down all the time. i am sure there are things in their life that are less than pure.
on the other hand, i am also tired of people (those who believe homosexuality is great) yelling at me and telling me that what i believe is prejudice and hateful. which is funny because supposedly i'm the hateful one but i don't try and force what i think on them or yell at them. yet they hate me and yell at me and try to forcefully change my mind. i have friends who are gay. they know how i feel but i don't pressure them about it and they don't pressure me about stuff that i do that they disagree with (like eating meat and drinking occasionally). we still hang out whenever i'm in dallas and our friendship has not suffered because of our difference in opinion.
so...i've decided enough is enough. if i get yelled at again (it would be the fourth time this week), i'm yelling back. i don't care. and you can't make me take a hardcore stand on either side. this isn't an issue for me. so if i can mind my own business, you sure as hell can mind yours.
the hunt from hell.
7:04 p.m., 2004-02-18
I HATE apartment shopping. Really I do. I've looked at a total of 11 places. Only of which 2 might be possibilities. I know I'm a little picky. But if it's going to be expensive then it better be really nice. And if it's going to be scrungie then it better be cheap. This makes sense to me. Why don't landlords agree?
my mother.
11:19 a.m., 2004-02-17
Okay. I'm going to vent for a few minutes. For background. My mother is little and sweet...and VULNERABLE. And I love her... I do, but after my father died (when I was 10) she leaned on me so much. Sometimes it felt like I was the mother when she asked me to help her make important decisions.
That being said. I am so sick of people telling me that I'm not respectful enough to my mother. I do respect my mother. She is an awesome, strong Christian woman and she is sooo patient and giving to everyone. But for 4-5 yrs she was crippled from her broken heart. The two of us shared this tiny 2bd apt and I was with her 24/7. Our dynamic changed during that time peroid. I love my mother so very much and I am very close to her. Our relationship just tends to be different than most mother-daughter relationships. Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest.
So...*sigh*...I feel better.
Peace and Be well.
reminder to you.
7:50 p.m., 2004-02-09
Oh, one more thing.
Get over it. She made you angry. Who cares?! It happens all the time. Everybody does stupid things occasionally. You are friends. So forget it or talk about it or do whatever you do to make it better.
i love you.
see you next time i'm in dallas.
birthday news
7:33 p.m., 2004-02-09
Well Hi.
My birthday was awesome!
I hit an English pub, sports bar, and a band venue all in one night. Not to mention that my friends are freakin' amazing and wonderful! Although they were short on presents. I only got one present for my birthday. But I still looovvvee them!
This is the start of new page
*ahem...happy chuck? :)
Can't wait for tomorrow.